I call it Sub Rosa as hidden within its layers are many secrets. Fashioned from earth and tears, the rose stands tall, like the young girl I once was. Seated at a work bench in my garden, surrounded by rosemary and peppers, sunlight warming my toffee-colored skin, I hold the hammer high and the scarlet tile breaks. Gently, I press a shard into an outer petal of the clay form. The rose is red and white, a blend of suffering and courage, hope and healing. Like me, the rose is both, crimson tears and rays of light. My story is about the interplay of passion and illumination, fierce engagement with life coupled with an inviolate beatific vision of a better world. The bud emerged in the fertile soil of a difficult childhood, blossomed through many adventures, and reached full bloom in a lifetime dedicated to public service. It is the fruit of this journey that I wish to bring to the entering class.
A $5 food stamp, a rosary for the church ladies who gave us food, a magazine clipping of a pre-teen model complete with a leather skirt, puckered red lips, and bedroom eyes, a few pages from “The Myth of Sisyphus”, and a picture of my mother with a jug of wine. I carefully arrange each piece on an outer petal. I can laugh about it now but I remember when my mother would bring us to bars where we would eat happy hour snacks while she spent our dinner money on alcohol. Too drunk to drive, she would hold me on her lap so I could steer us home. We received both welfare and Section 8 but never escaped deplorable living conditions. Though my childhood was marked by parental neglect, poverty, and sexual abuse, none of these circumstances held me back. Instead, they instilled me with compassion and sharpened my passion for justice and equality. I graduated high school, bright and determined, at thirteen, an unexpected accomplishment given I was the first member of my extended family to receive a high school diploma. I went against family tradition when I pursued higher education, as my family assumed I would be trapped in the same cycle of poverty as them and eke out a meager existence in service jobs.
Born from a German-Mexican father and an Italian mother, I didn’t feel a sense of belonging in any of the communities I came from. This feeling of isolation compelled me to look outside race and ethnicity to find a sense of connection and community. In that search I discovered the concept of the global citizen. As a global citizen, I was connected to everyone and my responsibilities lay in considering the impact of all my actions on the world at large. My country is the world, my goal to make the world better for every living creature. My art often explores this concept and for the last several years I have been successfully orchestrating a national 100+ person team that produces an annual large-scale interactive public art exhibit to inspire individuals to be active global citizens.
This sense of community with other global citizens has empowered me throughout my life. Smiling, I remember the many faces I have worn over the years as I grew into my own power, touching each symbol of my journey: A picture of the New York Stock Exchange, the cover page of Pacific Gas & Electric’s 10k, various business cards over the years, a pearl earring, and a spiral of buttons from my first grey silk suit. As a re-entry student with over a decade of working in finance, I have been a Public Auditor at a Big 4 CPA firm, a regulatory and SEC analyst at a large utility company, a finance analyst for a Silicon Valley tech company, a financial advisor, and a project manager.
There are two petals in Sub Rosa that explore my empowerment as a woman and a member of the LGBTI community. Early experiences as a victim of childhood sexual abuse incited a life-long dedication and zeal towards women’s advocacy work. Though I have organized many events over the years to enrich local women’s networks, some of my fondest memories come from the fellowship I experienced organizing “Take Back the Night” marches, facilitating women’s healing through ongoing empowerment retreats, and acting as a rape crisis line counselor. One petal stands out, neither red nor white, but rainbow. Coming into my own as a bisexual member of the LGBTI community was easier than many people’s experience as I was lucky and born in San Francisco. I have been active in LGBTI events since I was a teenager, planning community events and participating as support staff for the annual LGBTI parade. As I circle around the rose, the central petals which give witness to my healing, also tells of my labors in the transhumanist, green, and social justice movements.
Given the details of my childhood, one might envision me a continued recipient of food stamps, possibly in an abusive relationship, or even ending up on the streets. I have defied the odds. The story of the rose is my story. A story of a child who never lost sight of her star, an artist who thinks outside traditional boundaries and a woman committed to a life of public service. The stamens are crafted of mirror and metal, reflecting the sun, resplendent and dazzling. Each stamen is a lesson learned and power embodied: initiative, perseverance, empathy, perspicacity, and clear vision. The pistil, round and full, sits at the core of the rose and nurtures my future self as a lawyer, artist, and activist. In full bloom, I have harnessed the power of my experience and can now bring that to fruit in the study and practice of law.
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