Optimal Living, part One.. the pursuit of Pleasure

The definition of optimal is "best or most favorable". How do we live our best lives? What is favorable to one person is not favorable to another. So though it is easy to conjure up images of money, family, good works, vacations, personal fitness, life-long learning, beautiful home, etc; what these mean to each person will wildly vary. So perhaps its best not to talk about outcomes at all in a universal way but instead to focus on how we've felt when we've been the happiest in our lives.

Positive Psychology breaks down happiness into 3 areas: pleasure, engagement, and meaning.

Pleasure is what we think it is.. the momentary moments of joy throughout a day. It can come in the form of viewing beautiful art, taking a walk at sunset, a hug from a friend, a good meal.. What is pleasurable to one person is not necessarily pleasurable to another in the same degree. Discovering that which makes you feel joyous and alive is for many a lifelong quest in and of itself. Unfortunately, our connection and knowledge of our pleasure centers is often completely occluded by societal conditioning. We are constantly overwhelmed with media that tells us what to value. We are told what foods we are supposed to want to eat, what movies we are supposed to want to watch, who we are supposed to find attractive... The list is endless.

Many people spend their entire lives seeking out what appears pleasurable on TV without ever being in touch with how any particular activity makes them feel inside. Even those seeker of self-knowledge out there can't fully escape the claws of social conditioning. For instance - if you look at your life you might find yourself repeating a certain activity that doesn't actually bring you joy but is highly valued in society as something that does. For instance, you may choose to eat pizza regularly despite not relishing it or you may go out to clubs even though you don't love to do so.. We do these things again and again because we've been told that this is what "fun" is.

I remember an old friend of mine, Alison Harlow, once told me that when she taught magickal students her first question is what makes you feel most alive? That the bulk of work in the beginning of spiritual practice is figuring out this central question as within lie clues to one's true self. I have been exploring fitness-oriented activities recently and have discovered all sorts of things about myself. For instance, I really enjoy tennis but just don't like yoga. It is hard to admit I don't like hatha yoga (I love some other forms of yoga like pranyama and mantra but i'm talking about good ole fashion asana land here) because the world tells me yoga is wonderful. I'm "supposed" to like it. In fact, I can't help battling a feeling of deficiency in myself, a fear that something must be wrong with me to not enjoy this thing that so many love with all their hearts. After numerous attempts at finding pleasure in yoga, I find I'm still returning to it. Waiting for the perfect conditions that will make me feel like all these other people seem to feel. Recently, I've started to wonder if I should keep trying to do this thing that I really don't enjoy just because I've been told its good for me. What is good about yoga is mindfulness, body awareness, core conditioning, and flexibility. Surely, an enterprising person such as myself could figure out a way to get at these things doing something that is fun? Right?  Generally, if we move past the behavior or thing to what we are hoping to get out of it, there are many creative solutions available to us.

Sometimes though, the answer is no. For instance, I'm in law school which is decidedly not a fun activity but it is the only activity that will allow me to practice law. In those instances, where I cannot find an alternate method of attainment, I have to try to find as much pleasure as I can during the pursuit of something that is decidedly unpleasurable. A law buddy of mine told me once she spent meticulous amounts of time coming up with great outfits each day for school because it changed her feeling while at school and gave her pleasure to wear something special and unique. She found a way to pair something she really enjoyed with something she didn't so that overall her experience of the thing she didn't enjoy was better. A common example is putting on your favorite music while you do your chores.

The exploration of pleasure can take many forms. Many philosophers have attempted to categorize various types of pleasure. The anthropologist Lionel Tiger divided pleasure into four categories: physical (sensory), social (social interaction), psychological (cognitive and emotional reactions such as when reading a good book), and ideological (when we are exposed to stimuli which reinforces our ideological beliefs). Sometimes it is good to make one's own list of categories and explore each area fully. Though this process can take a long time, it is shall we say quite pleasurable and not work at all. :D Someone exploring the pleasure of sexuality might experiment with the many forms of sexuality available to them to see what they really enjoy or an intellectual pursuit of pleasure can entail many different types of learning and analytical activities. Whether it be sexual, creative, social, or intellectual... it is good to explore all the different categories fully as it allows one an expanded conception of self..

I have in my discussion of pleasure hinted at both meaning and engagement. For instance, the process of exploring one's pleasures fully brings one a sense of engagement and increased the felt experience of happiness. One may ask why attend law school at all if it is unpleasurable? But attending law school, outside of providing  the long-term pleasure (as opposed to immediate pleasure) of having the funds to do things I want to do and be intellectually challenged at work, also provides a sense of meaning and purpose..  All three of these qualities work together and are needed for a deep feeling of internal wellness/happiness.

If one pursues pleasure at the expense of engagement and meaning, it can become addiction and blind hedonism. Pleasure itself is by definition ephemeral moment of joy and happiness and many people get stuck pursuing fix after fix..whether its the runners high, sex, drugs, or the accumulation of wealth.  In keeping pleasure in relationship to engagement and meaning, we moderate our pleasure-seeking tendencies by things that provide us deeper feeling of satisfaction.

Clearly, this short morning contemplation is not a complete offering on the nature of pleasure.. just a taste to wet your appetite.. ;)

If you are interested in reading more about Pleasure, I recommend this great article on pleasure from one of my favorite places on the internets - the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy.

Enjoy Life! Some morning inspirational music!

The Pursuit of Fulfillment

Since Tribe and Livejournal died,[cue sad music] I've pretty much stopped blogging. I keep trying to revive my blogging brain but with the endless leach of Facebook, it simply doesn't happen. But here I go again in what I hope is the start of something new..  Taking the time to keep a journal is making a commitment to the contemplative life. Though I feel I have continued to have a rich inner dialogue with my soul, I have kept that dialogue mainly to myself. Maybe I haven't wanted to reveal my inner dialogue to the world the last few years because it has been dark and stormy. That never stopped me before as many of my former blogging buddies can attest..but things have felt different. It hasn't just been my journal that has suffered, I've pulled away from many of friendships over the last few years. It is really only the most doggedly loyal and persistent of my friends that have stayed close to me during this otherwise barren and lonely desert trek through law school. Many other people that I care or an love .. have simply slipped through the cracks and for someone who considers the only true wealth that exists to be in the quality of one's relationships.. it is quite a blow. I hope in time after school ends, I will be able to slowly pick up the pieces of my life and rebuild intimacy with many of my loved ones. In some respect, my pulling away has been for them. I simply haven't had a lot of positive, insightful, witty, or otherwise interesting things to see. You see.. I've spent most of the last two years drowning in my immersion in the Academy.. wondering if some ritual-inspired delusions have led me off into the wilderness to die alone. [grin] Woe is me! hahahahaha!!! At least I haven't lost my flair for the melodramatic. Some things never change. 


Though winter is coming, it feels like spring in my heart. The crisp air feels invigorating instead of chilling.. a testament to have much of life depends on the perspective of one's heart.  But that too is a blind because sometimes life simply sucks.. and though there is truth in perceiving how perspective can alter and shape our moods. though there is wisdom in the stoic philosophy of old.. there are some things that still look garish even when seen through rose-tinted classes.. 

I'm an upswing state in my life right now.. with plans and dreams all looking within my grasp.... Though it is not all rainbows and moonbeams in my life..there is a sense of continuity, growth, and purpose. I'm in a flow state.. challenged but within zones I feel I can ultimately triumph in..   So what exactly changed? Is it a simply getting a J-O-B for after law school? That sense of someone picked me, valued me against a slew of thousands of candidates... or that sense of security that comes with not being paralyzed by the fear of being homeless, penniless, and jobless when I graduate?

In some ways yes and in some ways no. I was talking to a good friend of mine recently about motivation and success.. and she brought up a story of how when she has a success at work and gives her a energy and focus to keep working hard. In helping people combat depression, it is common practice to provide people with small and easily accomplishable goals (ex: make your bed, go to the post office). It helps people to overcome the inertia of depression and begin to see themselves as beings of agency and will. As one develops a greater sense of agency and capacity, one also develops and increasing sense of inner confidence and outer security in the world.

Opportunity + Work -> Accomplishment
Accomplishment + Coherent Personal Narrative - > Sense of Agency
Sense of Agency + Positive Future Outlook -> Happiness (Eudaimonia version)

Unfortunately, for many of us stuck establishing ourselves during the Great Recession.. a sense of agency has been missing. Without opportunity, no amount of work will create accomplishment and without accomplishment .. happiness for many is just another dream. I remember meeting one of the smartest and hardest working people I've met in Bodh Gaya. He was the only person I ever gave a significant amount of money to while I traveled. Born in a very poor family, unable to afford education.. he had gone to Calcutta to pursue a career in a factory and got deathly ill from the work and got fired.. after that he had been busily pursuing a series of startup businesses.. trying to help his family and pay for his sister to get a good education. It was and is a great injustice that someone like him has no opportunity to "make it in the world". Here in the first world, many people are experiencing that on a much lesser scale.. but we too are robbed of our sense of happiness.

Many of my friends have struggled and pursued advanced degrees.. and find themselves working dead-end jobs with little opportunity for advanced making $10-15 an hour...or found themselves laid off during the Great Recession and forced to take jobs doing virtually the same work for half the pay.

This is the reality of life for both Gen X and Gen Y. 

So we're learning to find our sense of accomplishment in other arenas.. we're creating our own opportunities outside the list society has given us .. we're making community-base projects of art, healing, and service..   When life gives you lemons..make lemonade..

And this returns to the concept of perspective. The pursuit of happiness can fail at any of these stages..  It is important to recognize which ones affect your sense of happiness.

If it is lack of opportunity.. how can you create your own opportunities to do the Work when there are no readily available ones for you?

If it is lack of Work - maybe it is time to find something you can contribute too...nothing gets someone more depressed than sitting at home all day bemoaning lack of $$/Job/Relationship..

If it is lack of Coherent Personal Narrative - maybe it is time to do some retreats.. some writing.. thins to help you perceive the themes and stories within your own life..

If it is lack of positive future outlook -- well fuck.. the world does look pretty damn dim at the moment.. so how do we fix that? There are tricks..perspectivizing.. if looking close in is getting you down.. move out..if the global outlook is getting you down..move in..  Focus on the revolution.. focus on the positive work.. focus on the things one can change.. and the visions that do exist that have some modicum of traction.. advances in medicine.. alternative energy.. etc.. create systems in your life where you are exposed to wondrous, inspiring, and thought-provoking stories and activities.. as global or small as you need.. ..    because all of these things create our sense of happiness in the world..

Yes.. I got a coveted J-O-B (in part thanks to luck and in part really fucking putting myself out there) and that gave me an opportunity which combined with what felt like many years of fruitless Work.. created a sense of accomplishment..but that was only one part of happiness.. I had to do the work of integrating my life's happenings into my personal narrative and to keep the engine running.. have to continue inspiring myself through the world.. so that my sense of "happiness" can fuel my life..  I feel I could have fallen back into the dark hole EVEN with that handy dandy accomplishment.. and I'm aware of that option at all times. so I am trying to stay ahead of it.. and am working on all parts of this equation.. to keep myself happy..

So far.. its working..

"I am