About this Blog

"We must stitch up what has been torn apart, render justice imaginable in the world which is so obviously unjust, make happiness meaningful for nations poisoned by the misery of this century. Naturally, it is a superhuman task. But tasks are called superhuman when men take a longtime to complete them, that is all." -- Albert Camus

This blog details my attempts to find Sophrosyne - the deep-sated happiness that comes from living a temperate life in accordance with one's philosophy.

This blog is here for family, friends, and strangers alike to provide a space for sharing the insights that I glean from my journey and to serve as an inspiration for everyone to recognize that at any moment they can change their lives and do something different, that it’s never too late to follow one’s dreams, and that learning is a life-long process.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Maduari - the Kali and Gandhi Tango

Today has been a fantastic day. After a week of super budget hotels, I treated myself to two days at a $30 mid-range hotel. Its amazing what seems deluxe when you're backpacking India. A/C, some soap, sheets, and no roaches. I think I've died and gone to heaven. I had been feeling a litle sick after two weeks of traveling and am happy I decided to take care of myself. Though the place is kind of like Motel 6 quality, tonight it feels like the Ritz. Perspective shifts like these are one of the things I love about traveling.

This morning I went to the main temple in Madurai - Sri Meenaskshhi Temple, a 6 hectar temple complex that stands tall over the acient bustling city of 1.2 million people. The Temple is amazingly well-kept and colorful. Though the fish-eyed consort of Shiva resides at the center, there are altars to many deities in the halls making it somewhat of a Pantheon f sorts. Hindus from all proclivities gather there and worship the deities of their choice. I found my first Altar and Kali statue here covered in red sandalwood, holding her trident. I knelt before the temple and again prayed for help on the path of enlightenment. Chanting - Krim Hum, Krim Hum. I asked for her to manifest for me as the benevolent mother and gently cut away those obstacles prohibiting me from being a realized being performing my Great Work in the world. My heart and mind filled with aspiration as I thought of my entrance to law school next year and all that I want to do in the world. I prayed that I be truly ready by this August. Sitting before the red-hued Goddess the destructive forces of the universe who leaves slayed demons in her wake, i felt ready to give up all parts of myself not aligned with the accomplishment of my True Will. I felt at home next to the other meditatees and wondered what they were praying for in their own lives that brought them to Kali.

I love the integration of the spiritual and material in India. Watching Hindus in the temple find their deity and pray touched my heart, and I felt a deep sense of the sacred. I've always been able to sync up with other peoples religions easily asmy personal spirituality is based on love, tolerance, service, and unity through embracing diversity. I joke that I can get along with and blend with all the ecstatic spiritual paths in the world be they hare krisha, Sufi, or Franciscan. I'm a bhakti-oriented spiritual girl and the times I am happiest are when I am performing service for the greater good of the world. I would love to see inter-faith temples in each town in America - places where people from all walks of life can come, light candles, and pray. I'd love to see temples to the ideals we hold sacrosanct - liberty,equity, love, justice.. What would our country look like if every day each person lit a candle in honor of those values? How would it change our actions in daily life? I guess I'm devout in my own way. I meditate and contemplate the mysteries, try to live a tempered life in accordance with my values. I just find Truth in all religions. In a country to steeped in tradition, I wondered if the turquoise sareed. gold-bangled woman next to me, ever contemplated different truths and religious perspectives or whether she simply accepted the faith handed down to her from her parents. It's hard to know but I wanted to ask. I've read the Bhagavad-Gita but not any of the other vedas. I'm hoping to download a few once my new Kindle comes in so I can steep myself even more in the religious philosophy of India. Despite our differences in faith and perspective, I felt really close to my turquoise next door meditator for in prayer -- we were one. Heart to heart, minds focused on coming into contact with something greater than ourselves to achieve something greater than we have.

1/17/2011 Gandhi and the Bloody History of Colonialization
After spending the morning in the temple, we decided to walk a couple of miles to the Gandhi Museum. Crisscrossing our way through colorful cloth bazaars, aromatic spice markets, stinky trash piles, and clinquant trinket stands, we finally found our way to the tall white building that housed the Museum. The first half of the museum displayed the long and bloody history of India's fight for Independence from the British. It goes somethingl ike this: smart educated people in India write and speak, the people get agitated, the British kill them. Repeat for a few hundred years. Depressing yes, and inspiring too to see the faces of and read about so many brilliant freedom fighters. The second half detailed Gandhi's life. Though I knew who Gandhi was , I definitely learned more about his history and all that went into India's independence. I also was happy to learn abuot many of the other people fighting for India's freedom at the same time and their deep impact on the realization of that common dream. I have to admit I wanted to stab the eyes out of the English by the time I was done..but like all things that warrior side of me quieted down. Thank goodness I am going into law where I can put that side to good work. ;)  I thought of my conversation with a local in Saint Kitts earlier this year who told me about their fight for Independence from the British and the the British fought back there as well. In that case, the British won only to turn around and abandon the island when it became cheaper to grow sugar in Asia leaving the place destitute and after a century or so of monocropping - the soil depleted of nutrients. Nice. Colonialization..the funny thing is most of this was still happening throughout this last century. We don't think of it as recent history but in the case of India and Saint Kitts these things occurred in the last fifty years. People alive today remember those times and countries all over the world are still affected by them having been changed completely.

On tht note, the museum housed the loincloth Gandhi wore when he was assassinated, bloodstains and all. You would think this relic of history would be being treated well and cared for as befitting its historical status but like the other museum in India - its sitting in a non-climate controlled room with a non-climate controlled glass box slowly deteriorating. The historian in me wants to move it to a first world country where it can be properly cared for but the activist understands why its important to keep it in India. If I ever become a millionaire - I want to donate money to the museums of 3rd world countries so they can keep their own history but take care of it properly. I think about all the obscene wealth held by India's elite and was appalled for them at their lack of donating funds for India's clearly impoverished historical museums but I guess with so many people starving - history seems like a lofty concept in comparison to a hungry child.

And so it is.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Technology and the Nature of Attachment

Today I officially gave upon my netbook and purchased a paper journal at the Vivekenanda Rock in Kanyakumari. Getting a journal at all was a very fortuitous experience as my current travel buddy Kristi said they are very hard to find in India. I have to admit it was the first one I had seen in my travels. To catch people u on my technology saga.. I've had numerous technology problems on this trip and have had to really let go of a lot of expectation regarding access to and reliability of technology. When I started my preparation for my RTW journey, I had a great plan of focusing the journey on reading, writing, and meditating. It seemed like the perfect trifecta for personal transformation. I did my research and decided on a combination of Kindle 3G Global and Toshiba netbook so that I could fill my mind with amazing thoughts and write about them. I purchased my netbook in late December and in true Veleda fashion dropped it. : / This voided the warranty (it had a small scratch on the corner where it dropped but that is enough) and broke my netbook. After beating myself up about it for awhile, i took it to a repair shop and was told the only damage was to the LCD screen. I ordered a new screen and off I went. I've been here for two weeks and now it doesn't turn on at all. I started by simply not booting randomly though it was still mostly usable in the first week. This second week it started booting less and i would have to try to boot it for 30 or 40 times to get it to start up at all. This morning it just died the way of the dodo bird. The power light is on but the hard drive light is not. I had planned to do most of my writing on this netbook..envisioning many hours of quiet contemplation  at cute internet cafes across the world.HAHAH!! It's been a significant struggle not being able to write as I used to writing every day in order to clarify and order the flow of ideas in my internal universe. It was oddly liberating to accept the fact that things are the way the are. I could get upset and waste an entire day being upset or I could let it go and move on with creating a beautiful day for myself. Much of my experience in India has been about releasing expectations and attachment and learning to quickly return to a state of happiness after things don't go my way. Traveling the 3rd world is by no means a vacation. Nothing fully works in India: electricity, water, roads, public transport. Add to that a language barrier, a gender barrier (women are still very much 2nd class citizens in India), and a tourist barrier (people want to get all they can from you) and you get a series of insane experiences, of which, the proper and only worthwhile response is to laugh your ass off and go with the flow.

Today marks my official 2 weeks on my trip and despite all sorts of frustrations, it has been a truly glorious life changing experience. It's like pulling the blinders off of my pampered American life and seeing how things really are for many people. It's enlightening and incredible but not in the least bit relaxing. Well..the day I spent rejuvenating at Kovalam beach in Kerala was relaxing. Being a bay area girl, oceans always soothe my soul. I've accepted I have no idea what the fate of my lappy will be. Sita, my new friend from Mumbai, is calling her friends in Delhi (the biggest city next to where we will both be doing humanitarian work) to see if she can get a referral for a repair shop. We'll see if that pans out and if it does whether its even repairable. I find myself delightfully unattached. If I need to i will pay to gt a new part, get a new one, or simply fill out loads of paper journals.

So there goes part 1 of my three part plan. Writing. Luckily - I now I have a journal and it works. :)

For reading - I had purchased a Kindle 3G Global. I hopped on the plane in San Francisco on 12/31 and took out my kindle to read My Name is Red, which is the current book for my book club and much to my chagrin, it didn't work. Luckly, amazon tech support has been a dream and is sending me a new kindle..but with internal mail it is going to take a month to receive it and its quite an adventure to get it as i have to send it to one person, have someone else pick it up and fly it to the Barsana Eye Camp. I don't know what i would have done if not for the wonderful network of awesome people I have met through the humanitarian work I will be doing. So there goes reading.

Luckily - Meditation doesn't require technology and I've had lots of opportunity to meditate, pray, do ritual, and otherwise contemplate the universe.

We have a lot of expectations, often unconscious, about our lives. I thought wifi would be fairly easy to get at hotels and that internet cafes would have access to the internet (the internet goes down all the time for hours, and many cafe's have antiquated and often broken computers). This is probably themost off the grid I have been in the last 13 years of my life. It's strange and different to be so out of touch.

Communication in general has been difficult. I've finally figured out how to dial internationally on my local fun but dialing in India is quite difficult. The country is changing from 3 digit to 4 digit area codes and most of the printed material i have lists four digit area codes and most of them don't work. I find myself laughing a lot as otherwise I would be crying. In fact, I don't think I've laughed this much in ages. I was wanting to have a pina colada while at the beach to rejuvenate from the crazy and it was warm coconut milk and rum. No pineapple juice, no ice. nothing. this sums up my experience. you never know what you are going to get so you just have to learn to be happy with what comes.

I think I will come back a saint or a mad woman.

After releasing my worries about my netbook, I went to the Vivekenanda Memorial Rock and meditated in their meditation hall. It was kind of hokey with a glowing Om symbol and Vivikenanda chanting om over and over..but that is part of the Hindi way. Hindi consciousness must be seeping into my brain a bit because I prayed to Vivekananda and his Guru and line of enlightened beings to bless my trip and ease the path towards my enlightenment. I'm not so into Gurus as a concept, its a concept foreign to me as a Westerner..bu that day it seemed appropriate. I came out of the meditation hall feeling a deep sense of non-attachment and peace so something worked. When I came out, I found a journal and all has been well since.

pss: I've been accepted into U. of Illinois and Indiana. No denials yet. Neither of them have great social justice and environmental law programs..but its good to know my 'safe' schools are safe schools .. not giving up hope for Berkeley yet. Keep your fingers crossed.

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